I've been feeling very innert lately, since I've started working here as a full time doctor in Bantaen hospital. The work isn't quite as hard as in Medical school where I graduated or in Khonkaen hospital where I completed my internship, but along with it it's not very challenging either. Everything is going so smoothly, a little too smoothly. There is no excitement, no ups and downs. It's not that I don't like a stable lifestyle but this is getting plain boring. It's that I don't have any goal or destination in my life anymore, I know that I never really did, but I never thought it would be so to this extent as it is now. This is no where close to what I dreamt of being, then again I never really had any dreams either,for the last 6-7 years anyway,since I madethat wrong dicisionto study Medicine whichturned my life in to a complete catastrophe and shattered all of my dreams forever, but this, this is definitely not where I want to spend the rest of the good years of my life. There is no purpose here, I am so lost, I can't believe that my life can be this boring. No, it's no that I want to go back to being an internist and have the hell worked out of me, but what I'm doing here is just plain BORING! I come to OPDs at half past eight until about four in the afternoon and then if I'm oncall I stay here in the OPD to go on line and chat with my friends and watch shows on tv-links, waiting for the nurse to notify me of some old womancoming with dizziness or fatigue or insomniafor three days orsome brat that had a fever and a severer case of parental anxiety requesting for admission. Then at ten or eleven I go back to my sorry excuse of a house get showered and go to bed. For days that I'm not on call I leave the OPDearly and spend the rest of my boring day in khon Kaen where I've lived for the past eightteen years! God! talk about routine days!
I want excitement! NO, I don't mean having a patient with acute myocardial infarction or respiratory failure--that's not excitement, that's punishment. But I want to live a more flashing life style....but then again, no job is that rewarding. Maybe I should just buy a lotto and pray for 2 billion dolars like that lucky bastard who struck it rich. God! this getting to me -_-'